The world population estimates that 0.5% to 1% of population have the narcissistic personal disorder which is more than 70 million people.
So we frequently encountered someone who seemed excessively self-centered, craved constant admiration, and lacked empathy for others.
Chances are, you’ve met a narcissist.
But do these individuals truly recognize their narcissistic tendencies, or are they blissfully unaware of their grandiose sense of self-importance?
Research suggests that the answer is more complicated than a simple yes or no.
Studies have shown that while some narcissists may be aware of their inflated self-views, others may be oblivious to their self-centered behavior.
Imagine a successful CEO who demands constant praise from their employees and takes full credit for the company’s achievements.
Are they consciously aware of their narcissistic traits, or do they genuinely believe they deserve the spotlight?
Exploring this question is crucial, as understanding the self-awareness (or lack thereof) of narcissists can shed light on their motivations, behaviors, and potential for personal growth. So, buckle up, and we are going to know if narcissists know they are narcissists or not.
Do Narcissists Know They Are Narcissists?
The short answer is: it depends. Some narcissists may be aware of their narcissistic traits, while others may be oblivious to them.
Research suggests that there are different levels of self-awareness among narcissists.
A study published in the Journal of Personality Disorders (American Psychological Association) found that some narcissists exhibit a high level of self-awareness, recognizing their grandiose and entitled behavior.
These individuals are often described as “grandiose narcissists,” and they consciously exploit others for their benefit.
On the other hand, a different subset of narcissists appears to lack self-awareness. Known as “vulnerable narcissists,” these individuals have an inflated sense of self-importance and a strong need for admiration, but they may not consciously recognize these traits in themselves.
Instead, they tend to rationalize their behavior and see themselves as victims of external circumstances.
It’s important to note that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) exists on a spectrum, and not all narcissists meet the clinical criteria for NPD.
Those with more severe forms of NPD may exhibit a higher degree of self-awareness, as their traits are more pronounced and disruptive to their daily lives.
Additionally, research suggests that narcissists may fluctuate in their level of self-awareness depending on the situation.
In some cases, they may be aware of their narcissistic tendencies but choose to ignore or downplay them, especially when it serves their self-interest.
Overall, while some narcissists may have insight into their narcissistic traits, others may lack self-awareness or consciously deny their self-centered behavior.
what happens when you tell a narcissist they are a narcissist?
When you tell a narcissist that they are a narcissist, it is likely to provoke a strong negative reaction from them. Here’s what typically happens:
- They will try to deny it at any cost.
A narcissist will usually deny being a narcissist outright. They have a grandiose sense of self-importance and cannot accept any criticism or perception that challenges their inflated self-image.
- They will try to show they are angry with your claims.
Narcissists often react with rage, anger, or hostility when confronted with something that threatens their fragile ego. They may lash out verbally, become aggressive, or try to intimidate the person who called them a narcissist.
- They will blame you or others for their condition.
Narcissists rarely take responsibility for their actions or flaws. Instead, they will try to shift the blame onto others. They may accuse the person of being jealous, envious, or trying to undermine them.
- They will start to manipulate you using gaslighting.
Narcissists may try to gaslight the person by making them doubt their perception or reality. They may claim that the person is imagining things or that they are the ones with the problem, not the narcissist.
- They will play a Victim card.
Narcissists often play the victim card, portraying themselves as the one being mistreated or misunderstood, despite being the ones exhibiting narcissistic behavior.
- Stonewalling is another response from them.
In some cases, a narcissist may simply stonewall the person, refusing to acknowledge or engage with the accusation, and acting as if nothing happened.
It is essential to understand that narcissists lack the self-awareness and empathy to accept criticism or feedback about their personality disorder.
Telling them they are narcissists is highly unlikely to lead to any positive change or self-reflection on their part.
If you can’t say that they are narcissist directly then humor is key here are 150+ Funny Things To Say To A Narcissist.
Factors Affecting Narcissistic Self-Awareness
- Severity of narcissistic traits
People with more extreme narcissistic traits tend to have less insight into their condition.
Very narcissistic individuals often lack self-awareness and fail to recognize how their entitled, exploitative behavior affects others negatively.
In contrast, those with milder narcissistic tendencies may be more able to see their arrogant or self-centered patterns.
- Co-occurring conditions (e.g., depression, anxiety)
Narcissists frequently struggle with other mental health issues like depression, anxiety, or substance abuse.
These co-existing conditions can further cloud their self-perception.
For example, narcissists experiencing depression may be too consumed by negative rumination to accurately evaluate their narcissistic tendencies.
- Life experiences and feedback from others
How others respond to the narcissist’s behavior provides cues about their condition.
Repeatedly facing consequences like damaged relationships, career setbacks, or social rejection can potentially raise self-awareness over time.
However, narcissists often dismiss or rationalize this feedback to protect their inflated self-image.
- Therapy and self-reflection
Narcissistic individuals in therapy have a better opportunity to gain insight by exploring their thoughts, feelings, and patterns with a skilled therapist.
However, narcissists must be willing to self-reflect, consider other perspectives, and overcome defensive tendencies for therapy to improve self-knowledge. Those unwilling may remain oblivious.
How To Promoting Self-Awareness in Narcissists?
If you think someone has signs of narcissistic traits you can help them know about their conditions but keep in mind that promoting greater self-awareness in narcissists is an extremely difficult challenge, as they possess deeply ingrained defense mechanisms to protect their inflated egos.
However, some potential approaches can help them to know about their condition.
1. Compassionate confrontation and plant empathy in their heart.
Compassionate confrontation is a gentle, caring way of addressing someone’s hurtful or problematic behavior while showing understanding and avoiding blame.
The goal is to raise awareness and encourage positive change, not attack the person.
Here’s an example in simple terms:
Let’s say your friend Sam often interrupts people and makes conversations about themselves. Instead of angrily calling them out, you could have a private, compassionate conversation.
You might say something like Sam, I’ve noticed when we’re talking with the group, you sometimes interrupt others and steer the discussion to be about your own experiences. I know you don’t mean any harm, but it can make others feel dismissed or unheard. As your friend, I care about you and want to help increase your self-awareness about how your behavior impacts others.
This approach:
1) Specifies the behavior you’ve observed without accusation
2) Recognizes it may be unintentional
3) Explains the impact it can have on others
4) Comes from a caring place of wanting to help
The goal is to plant a seed of self-reflection in a understanding, non-confrontational way. Sam may be defensive initially, but delivering the feedback compassionately allows them to consider it more openly over time.
The key is balancing honesty about the problematic pattern with empathy, care and avoiding harsh negativity or personal attacks. Done skillfully, it can foster growth.
2. Recommend journaling
Keeping a diary or journal where the person writes down their behaviors, thoughts, and interactions with others can make it harder for them to ignore or explain away narcissistic patterns.
Writing things down provides an objective record that is harder to deny or rationalize.
For example, if they write about an interaction where they interrupted someone or made it all about themselves, seeing it in their own words can make the narcissistic behavior more obvious and real.
3. Suggest psychotherapy
Working with a skilled therapist in a safe, non-judgmental environment can help gradually challenge the narcissist’s unrealistic or grandiose beliefs about themselves.
The therapist can use techniques to help identify distorted thinking patterns that fuel the narcissistic traits.
However, this arduous work of honestly looking at oneself requires the narcissist to be truly willing and committed to self-examination and change, which can be very difficult for them.
But if they stick with it, therapy can provide tools to become more self-aware.
The key points are:
1) Journaling provides an objective record that patterns are harder to dismiss.
2) A therapist can delicately confront distorted beliefs if the person commits to the hard work.
3) Both approaches require the narcissist to develop self-awareness gradually over time.
The simplicity lies in using writing/journaling and seeking help from an expert to illuminate blind spots, if the person is open to it, rather than confronting them harshly which rarely works.
4. Build self-esteem from other sources
For someone with narcissistic traits, a lot of their self-worth and ego comes from constantly seeking validation, admiration and status from others.
This excessive need for external approval drives many of their narcissistic behaviors and defenses.
The idea here is to help them build genuine self-esteem from sources within themselves, rather than relying so heavily on what others think of them. Some examples:
- Accomplishments – Feeling proud of real skills, achievements and efforts they’ve made, not just superficial successes.
- Values – Deriving self-respect from living according to personal values like integrity, kindness, and perseverance.
- Positive Relationships – Gaining self-worth from having meaningful bonds and making others feel valued, not just being admired.
The goal is for them to develop a more stable, intrinsic sense of self-worth that doesn’t require constant stroking of the ego.
As their self-esteem becomes more grounded in their own efforts, principles and caring connections, the narcissistic needs and tendencies may decrease over time.
It’s about shifting the main source of their self-esteem away from that excessive dependence on external validation and toward a steadier inner sense of self-respect.
With that solid self-worth from within, the narcissistic coping mechanisms become less necessary.
The process is an extremely gradual one that requires tremendous patience and perseverance.
Even with consistent effort, some narcissists may never develop true self-awareness due to their rigid, entitled mindset. But increased insight could help mitigate the most toxic narcissistic behaviors over time.
FAQ: Do Narcissists Know They Are Narcissists?
Are narcissists aware of what they are doing?
Narcissists often lack full self-awareness about their hurtful behaviors and motives.
Their inflated sense of self prevents them from truly understanding how selfish, manipulative, and inconsiderate their actions can be towards others.
However, there are different degrees of insight. Some narcissists may be vaguely aware on some level that their conduct is problematic, but they rationalize or minimize it. Others are almost completely oblivious to their narcissistic patterns.
What happens when a narcissist knows you know they are a narcissist?
When narcissists realize someone has recognized their entitled, manipulative behaviors, they typically react very poorly.
They may become exceptionally angry, defensive, or demeaning in response. A narcissist’s fragile ego cannot tolerate being “found out” or criticized.
They will likely attack the other person’s credibility, blame them, or discard them completely to avoid being confronted about their narcissism.
Do narcissists know they are hurting you?
For the most part, narcissists tend to be unduly focused on their own desires and insensitive to the emotional pain they inflict on others. Their ability to feel empathy is quite limited.
However, they may derive some satisfaction from hurting others, particularly romantic partners or family members, to feel powerful and in control.
But in many cases, they simply do not consciously register or care about the impact of their behavior.
What does a narcissist do when you cry?
When someone cries in response to their hurtful words or actions, narcissists frequently display a complete lack of empathy.
They are unlikely to feel remorse or try to comfort the person who is upset. In fact, they may belittle them for being so emotional and fragile.
Alternatively, some narcissists may use the tears to their advantage to deliver further abuse and criticism. Overall, crying elicits little compassion from a narcissist.